Pain that didn't start with us: patterns across generations

Some pain did not start with us. It comes through our family history, through losses that were never grieved, through silences passed down from one generation to the next. And, without realising it, we carry it as if it were our own.

How to recognise a family pattern

Not everything we feel comes from our family, but it is worth looking closely when:

• the same situation repeats itself across several generations, such as separations, money difficulties or strained relationships between parents and children;
• you feel a sadness or a weight that doesn't fit your own story;
• there are subjects that "aren't talked about" at home;
• someone in the family was forgotten or pushed aside.

Where this idea comes from

The German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger developed Family Constellations from a simple observation: we belong to a system, the family, and that system has its own order. When something is left unresolved, the following generations tend to repeat it or make up for it without knowing.

Looking with respect, without seeking someone to blame

A Family Constellation is not about blaming parents or grandparents. It is about seeing. Often, whoever left us a burden also received it from someone else. Looking at these dynamics with compassion lets us give back what isn't ours and keep what makes us stronger.

What a session is like

At Ponto de Luz, Family Constellations can be done individually (€70) or in a group (€50), in sessions of around 90 minutes, in person or online. The therapist begins by listening to the question you bring and, from there, represents the family members in the space, using figures or other participants.

Many people describe how they feel afterwards as "something settled". Changes are usually noticed in the following weeks, in the way they relate to others and make decisions.

This work does not replace psychological support when it is needed. Discover Family Constellations, read what they are and how they can help or send us a WhatsApp message on +351 966 726 453.